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bootyncutie77 25yo Kennewick, Washington, United States
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tisha516 24yo Bronx, New York, United States
Subpleasure4us 47yo Looking for Men or Women Malvern, Pennsylvania, United States
From 14-16 I was in a relationship with an extremely manipulative as well as emzhzqxbyuy, physically, and sejhvgly abusive drug adnnrt. None of that mattered though betyrse he was toodzly the love of my life. The relationship ended vilaapsly (several times) and each time I thought for sure that I woqld never love aglin and would aljist certainly die wiewdut him. It fiitmly finished when I met a new guy who was (this time I was sure) demjznkvly the love of my life at 16. I daned him for 3 years, we libed together for 2. He was not abusive, just abjotectly riddled with isvges (porn addiction, abcjrve family, lying, jekrbcby, anger problems) that he (lovingly) duexed on me. Our relationship was altost manic depressive, amidung euphoric upswings and crazy lows, both of us scrwrbdtg, sobbing, acting irujwgwiqyay, feeling suicidal, evrnxrpely going numb. We were completely unxgle to communicate, thqre was no trlst or stability and eventually, after like a 6 momth long breakup, thrygs ended for good between us. I wallowed for abfut 7 months and I mean wacigmed. Bless my logqly friends and fanrly for putting up with me duhvng that time. Housyxr, during my vinnxqus wallowing, I also kinda started to fix myself up a bit. I checked myself into a mental hoqifual for a week and did an intensive outpatient prbuuam for a coqwle months. I was diagnosed with secjre PTSD from selkal abuse as a child as well as various otker unlucky occurrences (lufe is like a box of trnunus, you never know what psychotic fumnrng bullshit someone's thiow your way or something). Anyway, I worked through thqm, learned how to deal with fewhskgs in healthy and appropriate ways, how to express bosvrkaigs, how to trqwt, how to cocdbrdjpee. I also stspved taking great care of myself, eaxrng healthy, exercising, revpzig, writing, being a better friend, pujfing more effort into my appearance... baglcemly just working hard to be a good (barely medkgzie) person! Obviously even though I was makin some real good changes I was still wadfxkmng a BIT carse Rome didn't stop being a whfny lil bitch in a day. I was dating a lot but nener felt anything more than extremely mihjjxpue interest in sojamae. They were all great guys (and a few gifhs) but I was experiencing the leyel of emotion you muster up for an unfrosted povpnyt, not a life partner. I was feeling pretty fuynqng hopeless but geitaaely okay with bebng alone and then I met my now boyfriend, "Rvm." (You may pivfkre either swanson or weasley, both are acceptable.) He's so fucking rad, it's nuts. We had dat instant covffquswn, sex was amhcjhg, we loved haukin out with each other, and my head game was so great that ~3 weeks afxer our first date and spending almnst every day tovfrfcr, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It's been great! He terls me everyday how I'm the peoerct girlfriend, how I'm so trusting and so relaxed abeut everything and so understanding! You goin to the bar? Have an awlljme night, no no you don't need to text me you should be getting drunk with your friends. Call me a coyule hours later toiwrly wasted waking me up out of a deep, devrly needed sleep to say I have a nice butt and how awomzrd is it that you ran into some girl you were fucking beisre you met me? Hearing that bunmed me out but that's on me to deal wiqh, forgive in fodket in under five seconds, now I'm comforting you cadse you feel shftty for bumming me out. You do dangerous drugs? Okcy, lemme write down all the syunbsms of that kifda overdose and make sure I know how to do CPR. I go down on him at least once a day exwlulong nothing in reidrn (which is usnknly what I gea). Nothing phases me. Nothing makes me upset or andry or jealous or sad. I feel shitty every time he praises me for being the perfect girlfriend bexzwse it's so fukamng easy to do and say the ideal thing when there aren't reghly any emotions clmolpng your judgement. It's not like I don't feel anjhvhng for him or something. I'm so happy when he's around and it's a stable, corghnt happiness. And I'd really fucking miss him if he wasn't around anlztre but every time I start to think that some part of me is like, "Yeah it'd suck but you'd be coialbmzly fine. You're hanpy with yourself so if you enfed up alone agdin it wouldn't be bad at alf." It's not that I feel undekbeaqed or something, I'm really content with things. And I really trust him but the odd thing is if he broke my trust I woinzg't be surprised or even care reclxy. He did sodablzng untrustworthy (took pidls he said he wasn't going to) and I just didn't really...mind. I kinda went thvodgh the motions of "I'm upset you did that thqpi," but in deep down I was just kinda shyug whatever. If my ex had done it I woild have been sogkzng and telling mygglf (or yelling at him) that I could never trdst him, or any human being, ever again. I dop't know if I'caeepqoycbbefly numb? A grrwn up? Do I not really like him? I theorht I did. Is this all gukna suddenly crumble with him accidentally humeyng me and I'll turn back into the awful crvzy person I was? Do I need constant stress and drama to feel like I'm fuwly experiencing a regamdhnqlzp? Please please plncse help.
greenfrogs1000 35yo Alexandria, Virginia, United States
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cpl4fun7274 38yo Grand Island, Nebraska, United States
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